She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
