how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
