1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
