Swine flu is the new snow day.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
sex in a hospital.. check
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Everclear isn't food dammit
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
