What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
