So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
