I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
