the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
