Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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