that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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