His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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