be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hello my rib-scented angel!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
