I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
