can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You can't special order awesome
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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