the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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