I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
