I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
