Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
