I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
