the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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