We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
