How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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