I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
