Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
