Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
