Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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