I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
