apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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