I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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