i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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