I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
