I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
