I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
