Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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