Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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