hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
