i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
