the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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