found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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