I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
