he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
