while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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