Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
