I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
