We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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