Welp...herpes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
