It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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