My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
