You really coming over, don't trick.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate all girls vehemently.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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