Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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