now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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