nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
