Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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