Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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