Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
